Talking but not sure if anyone is hearing what I am trying so hard to say. Actions speak louder than words, but what actions can I add to my words so that they are heard? Feeling like I am caught in a sound proof bubble and all that is heard, even when you listen carefully, is a passionate garble. I have said things that were taken totally different then how I meant them. I have thought I have said things only to be told that I haven’t been clear. Sometimes I wonder if I am communicating at all. I’m feeling a little lost.I have had a few people remind me that I have not written lately. But in all honesty, if I had written these past few weeks it would have ended up looking like the painting above; with many different colors all thrown at one target making a beautiful and glorious mess, but not making much sense.
I have had a heavy heart and I have tried to rid myself of it. I have listened to well meaning people suggesting to me that I should walk away from the hurting, that I should step down from my job that is “TO BIG” for me; that I have done my share and it alright to leave now.
I have tried to give it to God and walk away in my heart. All the while knowing that what I gave Him He had asked me to hold. He knows it is heavy, and He sees my doubt, my lack of assurance, and my weakness. He is right here and doesn’t let me fall, leading me down the path to deeper healing myself as I walk along side of the hurting.
In the midst of all of the hurting there is joy and laughter. This is something that I have struggled with. Growing up I didn’t see that you could be sad and at the same time laugh or just want to do something fun. It doesn’t mean that you are not hurting or that you are denying what is going on. In fact it is healthy and God even took the time to make sure that He wrote it nice and clear for us simple minded humans. A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" (Proverbs 17:22)
Here are a few funny things that some kids have said recently…
“Ms. Suzanne you gave me a pretty girl as my tutor b/c you knew I wouldn’t be mean or act up with her.” – Middle School Boy
“Did someone really see God there on the corner?” (Underneath a “God Lives” Sign)
“’His face turned red? Ms. Suzanne this sentence doesn’t make sense!”–1st Grader
“It does if you are white, my face gets red when I am embarrassed or hot”-Me
“Oh I see now…Laughing” – 1st Grader
“Ms. Suzanne you stole my Lady” – Student referring to her tutor being wrongly reassigned – Middle School Student
“Man, I’ve got to stop telling white people they are fat. They don’t take it as a complement like I would…I want to be fat I am SKINNY!” – Middle School Girl
“What can I do to earn a hamster? Never mind I want a pony! How many Bible verses would that take?” – Middle School Girl
1 comment:
I like when you said in the midst of the hurt there is joy and laughter. It's so true and it helps me to move into a deeper place of assurance that God is in control. He gives us joy but knowing that it can come at a time when were are in a hard place is HUGE! It's funny how often you and I are in the same place. (It reminds me of this song) Because of who you are I give you glory, because of you who you are I give you praise, because of who you are I will lift my voice and say, Lord I worship you because of who you are!!! Jehovah Jireh (sp.?) Our Provider! And because we are created by him, we can be okay with who we are, where were at!!
Post a Comment