It has been two years since the nightmare that brought me to decide to step down from my teaching job. It was hard for some to understand then, and for some it is still hard to understand now.
“When are you going to teach again?” I am asked quite frequently. My answer doesn’t seem to pleasing to those that are asking me this; yet, my answer remains the same…I don’t really know when I will teach again. It is not that I don’t want to teach again. I LOVE to teach, to prepare lesson plans, to help a child learn in new ways, and to see the light in their eyes when they BELIEVE for themselves that they can and that they are smart enough.
But here is the struggle that I find myself faced with yet again.
#1 I feel like I need to prove something. Like I need to just teach again, so that others will feel relived that “I made it and am ‘back’”. But in all honesty I have never been happier. This past year I have worked part time and subbed part time. I have been able to go to Nicaragua twice this year and India once to work with and love the people in these countries. (I would not have been able to just pack my bags and go if I was “teaching.”)
#2 I am teaching, and actually I feel that God has brought me out of a box and placed me in wide open spaces to teach outside of the classroom. Part of me does still desire the stability and routine of a classroom though. I like to plan and to know what is coming and this year definitely hasn’t been that. But still I wouldn’t have traded these past 11 months for anything else.
#3 Ok here comes the deeper honest part…I want my family to be proud of me. I want to them to see and ask me about what I do. When I was teaching, if someone asked my mom what I was doing she could give a short easy answer, “She is teaching/interpreting up in Greensboro”. But now what does she say? I have no idea. I mean really I don’t even know what to say to people when they ask me what I do.
Well, with all that said, I am now back to where I know in my heart that when and if God wants me to teach again I will. But for now I will continue in what I believe He has called me to. And perhaps will write my own job description… How does “Loving people beyond reason sound”?
5 comments:
Just tell people that God wants you to be the student and he the teacher. Be encouraged, I have seen you grow so much in the last several years, I am very proud of who you are and how far you have come.
PS...... If someone asked me what you were doing I would say, she is mentoring, teaching, evangelizing, loving kids to Christ, being the bestest friend ever, and is getting schooled in who God wants her to be!!!
I like your job description, sometimes it doesn't look the same as it could if we wanted a nice little bundle, but it doesn't feel the same either. One thing your mother could say is, "My daughter is working with children in Greensboro" or she could say, "my daughter is serving the Lord in Greensboro" or "my daughter is in missions in Greensboro". Really what anyone else uses to describe the wonder that is your life is their choice, but what is more important is the way that you describe it, and that sounds spot on to me :)
Whether they know it or not, your family has every reason to be extremely proud of you. I pray that one day they can realize it and that they will tell you.
It sounds good to me. :-) It's hard to not have a "normal" job sometimes. People want to have a way to define you for some reason. Doctor, lawyer, teacher, dancer...you name it. People like a title.
I'm glad that God doesn't care about titles. Well maybe only one, that we are "His child". I'll stick with that one. And Suzanne, I know with my whole heart that God has you teaching right where He wants you.
Rach B.
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